Sunday, November 22, 2009

V

un.    i'm sorry


as i continuously examine my heart, i find inadequacies, one on top of the other.  and i would like to take the first part of this to let you know that if anyone may think that i have it together throw these thoughts out the door, i am the foremost of sinners however through Jesus' blood i am forgiven. not better than you, simply better than i was.

And Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, forgive if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." Mark 11:22-25


the last part of that verse is why i am starting off with this apology, i never thought myself to be one who held grudges against others. i do. we all do. i do have things against others, i forgive you from the bottom of my heart i forgive you. to the same end i implore for forgiveness for the wrongs i have dealt.

 deux.   Rockstar.


when i think of jesus the man on earth, i think of a young buff rugged guy that changed the world with love. I also attribute much of his persona to that of a rockstar, and the status that parallels it. i know a few people that to a certain extent have multiple characteristics that match up to this status in regards to the "stage" they are given whether it be athletics, church leadership, music or simply a charisma that draws the masses. unfortunately when i think of these people i think of a show, i feel like they are fake, like they are so afraid of the stage they are on that they pretend to be someone else so that they can pass the responsibility of being an example to others off on some imaginary personality that isn't him/her. i also feel as though these people have trouble being intimate and intentional with everyone, and not simply picking and choosing so that their stage stats don't plummet. back to Jesus, it's not that difficult for me to cope with the fact that he dealt with the same struggles  such as this inability to "be real" with all the people in his life, but rather i have outrageous difficulties understanding that he attained victory over this.the difference between these modern-day rockstars and Jesus is that he was real with everyone, he never hid who he was for fear of rejection, he didn't apologize to the people that didn't agree with him but rather held even closer to the trues that were given to him via the father, and the one that hit closest to home for me (because this is me) the people that came to him broken simply seeking a friend someone to care for them someone to desire good for you to actually want to spend time in fellowship with you. he had a gimonganourous stage, how easy to be conceited, but rather he humbled himself to death even death on a cross. he wants to see you. to love you. to talk. to listen. to hold. to protect. that's my Jesus, the rockstar.



trois. temple.

a song by leeland

Father, enter this temple
Come touch Your people
We need to be where You are
And children living as their Father
Washed in pure water
We need to be like You are

may we treat our bodies as temples may you enter our temple so pain, inadequacy, shame, embarrassment, and sin shall not be allowed in.
touch us Lord we are weak the more we are left on our own the more we see this fact that he must become greater and greater and we must become LESS AND LESS till we are nothing to the end that all is seen in us is your son.

quatre. monster.

 i haven't lost myself in a long time.
i never tried to care when i wanted to. i just want to be a part of something.
i just want to be real like you.
sometimes i feel like a monster
and times i feel like a saint.
i'm on my knees your my favorite disease.


closer. closer. closer to you.
i need to be closer have closure get closer to you.
every step i take.
i love the way you kill me.
i love the way you heal me.


the first time i have ever looked at a viral infection as a good thing, don't get antsy i am not saying Jesus is like a disease rather that he mirrors a few of the ways that a virus makes it's way to whoever it wants without restraint, and for encouragement, if you have been for lack of another term, "infected" embrace it and know that there is not a cure you are stuck with him and for the first time ever i shall campaign the idea that we should spread disease. that is who my jesus is he is unstoppable, un"cure"able, unfathomable, inexhaustable. he is my favorite disease.


cinq. unstained.

"Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world" James 1:27


the word doesn't say that it is our job to save orphans to better prepare them for a life of success, or to find the widow a husband that can support her out of the hole that she is in or  even to change their lives, it says to VISIT THEM in their time of affliction. there is no time where their affliction cries out louder than right now.

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